Handling Conflict

Your Conflict Style is Expert

You balance being assertive with trying to find common ground and ways to compromise.
At your best, you approach conflicts in a tough minded and assertive way, but still try to find a compromise you both can live with. You see conflicts as a challenge and a chance to find a fair, win-win solution.

Other times, you simply try to accommodate your partner and ignore that a disagreement even exists. You'd rather do nothing than potentially say or do something that could hurt your partner or scare him away.

What would it be like to have an argument with your favorite personality type?

Idealists enjoy a good debate. They're prone to intellectualize issues and overlook the real emotions involved. You'll have to encourage him to speak from his heart and not his head.

Regardless of his personality type, any partner will appreciate your ability to talk rationally about problems and your willingness to find compromises. Your biggest risk in this arena is ending up with a partner who's less skilled than you. Don't assume you can do all the emotional and negotiating work when you and your partner disagree. You deserve a partner who's equally skilled or at least motivated to become so.

Your Conflict Skills

You appear to handle conflict very well as long as you apply your strengths, which include:

• You know how to assert your point of view in a positive way. You can talk about your beliefs without dismissing your partner's beliefs.
• You can see things from your partner's point of view. Great communicators imagine what they would think and believe if they were their partner.
• You avoid saying provocative things when you argue. You don't insult your partner or "add fuel to the fire," by bringing up other hurtful issues.

On the other hand, your test results also point to some possible weak points to keep in mind:

• You can come across as unforgiving. In what you say and how you say it, your partner may feel like you can't accept or forgive him.
• You should try using humor to ease tension and prevent conflict. It's often easier to laugh off a remark than take it personally.
• You say provocative things when you argue. You're tempted to insult your partner or "add fuel to the fire," by bringing up other hurtful issues.
  

Find a Man Who Can Pick His Battles
Couples often differ in how much negative emotion they feel comfortable with. Some couples enjoy intense exchanges, while others avoid them at all cost. You need a partner who wants to keep conflicts to a minimum—who doesn't have to resolve every issue or discuss every hurt feeling. In fact, most ongoing disagreements that couples have center on compatibility and are not easily "fixed."

So you need a man who, like you, wants to accentuate the positive, solve problems when he can, and accept the rest.