Communication Style

You'll bring a mixture of communication strengths and weaknesses to your next relationship.

In the section of the test where you saw couples re-enacting various conversations, your choices suggest a mixture of strengths and challenges when it comes to communication skills. In fact, over half of your choices were different from the answers offered by relationship experts.

Your choices point to communication skills such as:

• You boost your partner's self-esteem. You compliment him and point out his positive qualities, especially when he's feeling down or uncertain.
  
• You're effective at communicating your feelings. You're skilled at putting words to your deepest feelings.
  
• You back up your messages with practical support. You know that actions speak louder than words, so you find ways to offer practical help to your partner and make his life a little easier.
  

No one's perfect.

For whatever reason, you may struggle with other communication skills, such as:

• You may give in too quickly. Because you don't like conflict and want to keep people happy, you may give in when it would be better to stick with the conversation.
  
• You come across a little too reserved and serious at times. People may not realize that you're simply being professional or thoughtful and may assume that you're not enjoying the conversation.
  

You Have a Mixture of Communication Skills

Use Those "I" Statements

One of the most useful communication techniques is to focus on how you feel when your partner says or does a specific thing. When we're annoyed or angry, we all tend to make "you statements" that accuse our partner of a general fault, such as, "What's wrong with you...?" or "You're a jerk!". It's helpful instead to be very specific and focused on the situation, such as, "When you do ABC, I feel XYZ." These "I statements" avoid putting your partner on the defensive. He doesn't feel insulted...he simply has a habit that's hurting you. He can step up and be a "big hero" and stop the habit so you'll feel better.

You Can See Both Male and Female Viewpoints

As you know, men and women often approach disagreements differently. Looking at the section of the test where couples re-enacted disagreements, your choices were largely in line with the choices of other women your age. Still, there were a few exceptions, where you responded more like the men. Here are a few highlights you may find interesting.

Here are two ways your choices were similar to men's perspective:

• Similar to men who took the test, you were comfortable with apologizing and moving on.
  
• When the couple argued in the car after the party, for example, you were in line with men who were willing to apologize for "being too sensitive" about "innocent flirting." Most other women, in contrast, worried this was avoiding an important discussion.
  
• You seemed to agree with the typical male perspective which saw few topics as being worth fighting about. For example, in line with most men, you would rather return the purchase than fight over spending the vacation money. Most other women didn't like the idea of returning their purchase!
  

Here are ways you can balance both masculine and feminine perspectives:

• Overall, women tended to be more aware of underlying issues, while men tried to find the most efficient solution. You balanced between both perspectives, but leaned toward efficiency.
  
• For example, when faced with having to leave the party, you were open to finding a possible compromise (the common male response). But you didn't pick options that might set a bad precedent for how you and your partner would deal with each other long-term.
  

You are a "poor communicator"